The Orgasm Series
These interviews are special and they mean the most to me, and I feel really excited about sharing them on Sex & Roses! There are a lot of interviews here so take your time in reading them, or read some now and come back to the rest later ;) But I believe these interviews are a gateway to unlearning so much of what we’ve come to accept as truth about sex through limiting sexual scripts provided by the patriarchy, objectifying porn images, and misleading sexual portrayals on tv.
I wanted to ask people about orgasm because I don’t think we have these honest conversations, even with our friends. A lot of us feel the pressure to be easily orgasmic during partnered sex, or feel shame around our early masturbation experiences. Well first off, we’re not alone! These interviews are anonymous and henceforth everyone is so honest about faking it, and/or not faking it. People explain what really makes them come, and what they wish they could say to someone trying to take them over the edge.
I also wanted to debunk the prevailing myth that women come from penetration *easily. It is possible, but as you’ll notice, most women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm, and penetrative sex is more of a journey than the peak of their sexual arousal. I would also like to say I do not think orgasm is the most important aspect of sex— but I do think orgasms are powerful and if we’re going to portray them in our culture, we might as well do the work of asking people what actually makes them come, instead of spreading false ideas of how someone *SHOULD come, immediately shaming and limiting one’s pleasure and sexuality.
Naomi Wolf in her book, Vagina, writes that”
“‘Every woman is wired differently. Some women’s nerves branch more in the clitoris. Some branch a great deal in the perineum, or at the mouth of the cervix. That accounts for some of the differences in female sexual response.’”
So, some women come easier from vaginal penetration, some women come easier from clit stim. Some women have anal orgasms, some don’t. Honestly, the best piece of advice I can give you is to explore your own body and define your own orgasms. At the end of the day, that’s what matters most.
The interviews dive into a-spots, doggy style, shower heads, anal play, being caught, faking it, squirting, shame, the yoniverse and many other vulnerable and titillating topics. I interviewed all genders but kept the interviews as genderless as possible. There are questions referring to anatomy, not gender.
I hope you read these and laugh, smile, and find comfort. I know for myself it was healing to read the interviews as I related to aspects of other’s experiences that I had previously felt alone in.
Also— as one of the questions was, “If your orgasm was a song, what song would it be?” I created a playlist with everyone’s orgasm song. You can listen here.
Enjoy reading and have fun!! xxxx
THE ORGASM INTERVIEWS~~
Where you’re from:
France
Define orgasm in your own words:
For me, an orgasm is when you reach the top of your excitement.
Have you ever orgasmed?
Yes.
Do you remember your first orgasm?
I was 18 years old (which was not that long ago) and it was in my room at my parents' house. At that time, my boyfriend and I used to not make love when my parents or brother were home but that night we were too horny and my parents were sleeping in the room next to mine. We had to keep it quiet but I think the possibility of being caught triggered my orgasm and my boyfriend had to cover my mouth.
Have you ever faked an orgasm?
I never faked it.
Do you come during partnered sex?
Yes.
If so, how often?
Very often because my current boyfriend is careful about that. When my orgasm does not come through penetrative sex, he plays with my clitoris until I cum too.
Is reaching orgasm during partnered sex and/or solo sex important to you?
During partnered sex I think that reaching orgasm is not that important for me; as long as my partner and I are enjoying the moment, it’s okay if I don’t cum everytime. But during solo, it’s more important.
How long do you spend during self-pleasuring sessions?
I spend 20 minutes.
Do you feel that sex can be good if orgasm hasn’t been reached?
Of course! I personally think that sex can be really good even if I don’t cum at the end.
What makes it easier for you to orgasm? (the situation, the time of the day, the setting, your mental state, how you’re feeling, etc.)
I’m usually more comfortable and more aroused at night. When I’m alone, I like to be able to watch myself so, if it’s in the night, I usually turn on a light. With a partner, it easier for me to orgasm if they take their time with foreplay.
What makes it difficult for you to orgasm? (stress, pressure to orgasm, knowing you have something to do, etc.)
It’s difficult when I’m really tired or really sad; it's like my mind is blocking my body.
Does giving your partner pleasure, bring you close to orgasm?
Yes and I like when my partner is vocal about it.
What do you wish you could say to someone who wants to make you orgasm?
First, don’t feel disappointed if it doesn’t happen because it doesn’t mean it wasn’t good. Talk to me and listen to what I say. Don’t hesitate to ask me if I like what you’re doing. Don’t try to go too hard, too fast or too deep, it’s not how it works for me.
If your orgasm was a song, what song would it be?
“Breathe on me” by Britney Spears
Describe your last orgasm or most pleasurable experience in one word:
I’m going to use a french word: it was ‘épanouissant’.
Do you have one main way you orgasm?
Clitoral stimulation.
Is clitoral stimulation vital to you orgasming or not necessarily?
I think it is but I feel like there’s a lot I have yet to discover about my body.
Can you come from vaginal penetration?
Yes.
If yes, does this cause you to squirt?
Yes. And by the way, I just recently got to discover how to squirt!
Which of these seven types of orgasm have you experienced: nipple, anal, entrance, clitoral, g-spot, cervix, full body orgasm. Or a different kind maybe?
Clitoral and g-spot.
Where you’re from:
New York State
Define orgasm in your own words:
Pleasurable erotic moment that provides a release while I reach a euphoric threshold.
Have you ever orgasmed?
Not in the way that Master’s and Johnson described in their research but in the way my self determined embodied wisdom knows of it.
Do you remember your first orgasm?
No. I was looking for the wrong thing and using the suggested measuring system that was not applicable to my body or experience of pleasure.
If so, please describe it:
One of my most pleasurable, joyful, euphoric moment was through my tastescape (mouth) triggered with delicious food. Having just arrived in Marrakesh on a random exciting getaway, I went at a traditional Moroccan restaurant and tasted multiple delicious dishes spiced to perfection, my mouth salivated and the yummy noises that I made, my eyes rolling back, the pleasure gave me goosebumps, it was an incredibly pleasurable, fulfilling, joyful euphoric moment that was penetrating, and nutritional. The experience was more pleasurable than any typically phallocentric defined sex that I’ve had.
Have you ever faked an orgasm? Can you say why?
I have exaggerated and vocalized my pleasure as a way to encourage my partner's sexual performance and engagement which usually had an effect of enhancing the overall enjoyment of the experience and increasing pleasurable sensations for me. Before unlearning patriarchal notions of sex and sexually engaging with cisgender men who watched a lot of porn for sex education, I felt more pressure to perform in a way that met their expectations of what sex should be like (unrealistic, performative and pornographic); when they seem fragile with their ego and would ask questions they cant handle the answer to- like if you have to ask did you cum then how in tune with the situation are you? An alternative would be to have a conversation about it at another time about how it was over all or what was good about the experience or was it pleasurable but to focus the questioning right after the act about cuming, I didn't feel like doing the emotional labor to explain how their penis did not trigger that response for me. Talk about ruining a moment, even if the sex didn't end up in an orgasm to have that be the focus of the conversation wouldn't create good feelings, but rather have a good chance of shifting the affect and mood in a negative direction. I don't want to feel shame or inadequate because our genital interaction did not live up to unrealistic expectations projected on to my body. I eventually learned how to build patience and strength to better communicate my needs around after care and my pleasure politics (ie please don't ask me questions you can't handle the truth with). I also had to develop my skills on saying no to questions even when I know they would prefer a specific response.
Do you come during partnered sex?
I have cum, squirted and ejaculated during partnered sex.
If so, how often?
Depending on multiple factors, I am able to cum frequently as a natural response to vaginal and clitoral stimuli. I did not usually orgasm when I squirt nor does cuming correlate to orgasm for me. Orgasmic experiences don't always have to produce liquids, for me, but when they do it can be powerful.
Is reaching orgasm during partnered sex and/or solo sex important to you?
No; orgasm is not important to me as I believe it being the focus of the act takes much of the enjoyment out of it. Having moments of enjoyment, pleasure, and releasing stress, connection, and touch are important aspects of sex for me.
How long do you spend during self-pleasuring sessions?
20 mins to 3 hours
Do you feel that sex can be good if orgasm hasn’t been reached?
Yes, sex can be amazing even if my body doesn't respond how clinical sexologist or other experts say my body should respond during sex.
What makes it easier for you to orgasm? (the situation, the time of the day, the setting, your mental state, how you’re feeling, etc.)
Being in love, expanding the definition of orgasm, healthy relationship dynamics, elaborate foreplay including stimulating conversation, and other passionate build ups can assist in the pleasurable experience.
What makes it difficult for you to orgasm? (stress, pressure to orgasm, knowing you have something to do, etc.)
Traumatic memories stored in my body can prevent me from reaching orgasmic moments. Being confined by the strict limited definitions of how some people have defined orgasm projected onto my body.
Does giving your partner pleasure, bring you close to orgasm?
Yes, reciprocity of pleasure and energy exchange is important part of my pleasure.
What do you wish you could say to someone who wants to make you orgasm? (and I challenge you to work on saying it)
If I want to engage with them sexually I might say: my orgasms are my responsibility; while I appreciate you tuning into my body and pleasure, be open to exploring my erogenous zones; it is important to know that I take time to climax. Cuming is not necessarily an indication of pleasure as sometimes it is a bodily response to stimuli, and pleasurable moments may not result in a liquid secretion. Also squirting may or may not be pleasurable for me but our connection and energy exchange are appreciated.
If your orgasm was a song, what song would it be?
Blessings on Blessings by Oshun
Describe your last orgasm or most pleasurable experience in one word:
Joygasm
Do you have one main way you orgasm?
No, there are many different ways that I can derive orgasmic moments. For example, I prefer mental stimulation as a noetisexual expanding my mind can be highly erotic and result in a mindgasm.
Is clitoral stimulation vital to you orgasming or not necessarily?
While clitoral stimulation can enhance a pleasurable experience but my pleasure is not limited to clitocentric responses. The clitoral system is vast and much of it is internal as well. When my self-pleasuring skills focus on (external) clitoral stimulation it can sometimes result in ejaculation, but most certainly some type of tension and release.
Can you come from vaginal penetration?
Yes. There is so much pleasure that can be derived vaginally and there are many different spots and erogenous zones of the yoniverse.
If yes, does this cause you to squirt?
Yes, I have felt that specific A-spot stimulation can cause a squirting response and for me the A-spot is more pleasurable than my g-spot (if I even have one).
Which of these seven types of orgasm have you experienced: nipple, anal, entrance, clitoral, g-spot, cervix, full body orgasm. Or a different kind maybe?
Ive experienced the following types: mindgasm, eargasm, gigglegasm, joygasm, eyegasm, a-spot orgasm, clitoral orgasm, bedgasm, and travelgasm
Where you’re from:
Copenhagen
Define orgasm in your own words:
Liberating.
A buildup of emotional and physical tension and vibration, which leads you into complete release.
Have you ever orgasmed?
Yes.
Do you remember your first orgasm?
I believe that my first orgasm was through self-pleasuring, at a young age I would experiment with many vibrations (water, phone vibrations, moms vibrator, massagers, etc.) to stimulate my yoni.
I don’t think I remember exactly my first orgasm. I do, however, have very positive and empowering memories of my first years entering the world of self-pleasure, filled with curiosity.
Have you ever faked an orgasm? Can you say why?
No.
I feel confused and saddened by this reality. I think I decided very early on, to always be honest within expressing that part of me, which I feel, has strengthened my sexuality.
Do you come during partnered sex?
Yes.
If so, how often?
60-80% of the time.
I often enjoy not coming. At times, it feels nice to not have a goal within sex, to just enjoy fucking.
I almost never come with someone I have a one-time thing with or someone I am not emotionally attached to.
For me, this emotional connection, opens my yoni to orgasmic bliss.
When I am with someone I am not super into emotionally, I can’t help but feel this wolf woman in me, who does not want to allow this person the satisfaction of giving me an orgasm. I don’t know why I feel this way exactly, and if there is a deeper meaning behind it. I am interested in seeing if this changes within the years.
I am mostly answering this question based off of my lovers and not my one time fucks or people I have had no emotional intimacy with.
Is reaching orgasm during partnered sex and/or solo sex important to you?
Yes, I believe it is important to feel as though your partner and you, are both prioritizing this.
That being said, as long as you feel there is balance about the importance of reaching an orgasm, it does not have to be the most important act every time you are sexual with yourself or someone else.
How long do you spend during self-pleasuring sessions?
It depends, sometimes I like a quickie with myself and sometimes I can take a bit longer.
It also depends on the time in my life, when I am very busy, these sessions are often quick.
I would very much like to focus on slowing it down. I feel I skip foreplay with myself and just rush so quick into coming, which I feel at times, does not leave me feeling satisfied.
Do you feel that sex can be good if orgasm hasn’t been reached?
Yes, it causes you to be more present and to create more of a unique experience, when both partners are not as goal oriented. I definitely feel there is an unbalance within this. For me, I can have amazing sex without coming, but I have doubts that many of my male partners feel this way.
What makes it easier for you to orgasm? (the situation, the time of the day, the setting, your mental state, how you’re feeling, etc.)
When I completely let go, completely feel myself, my partner, and my pussy. When I completely feel the moment. When my partner and I have a long build up to the sex, or when I can feel that I am craving this emotional release which an orgasm can give me. I believe an orgasm can heal.
It is easiest for me to come when I am riding my partner, I have a technique where I fuck in a way that gives me a huge amount of clitoral stimulation. This is key for an epic orgasm.
What makes it difficult for you to orgasm? (stress, pressure to orgasm, knowing you have something to do, etc.)
When my mind is in a different place, when I am stressed or when I feel pressure. The pressure can be external and internal, but it creates a huge blockage from letting my body go and welcoming my orgasm. As well as different positions. I have very limited positions that I feel I can come within because I am very turned on by clitoral stimulation. This has been a difficulty I have thought often about.
Does giving your partner pleasure, bring you close to orgasm?
Yes. I believe that feeling your partner completely present, feeling outer worldly because of you, is such a nice sensation. The possibility of us coming together can also send me into a deeper pleasure. The feeling that my partner is close to coming, can give me that extra high which sends me over the edge.
What do you wish you could say to someone who wants to make you orgasm? (and I challenge you to work on saying it)
I would say, give it time. Be patient. Be authentic.
Authenticity within sex, honesty within sex, is vital for me to feel able to let go and reach a climatic experience.
I would say don’t be afraid of letting yourself go, be kinky, be dirty, don’t. Be you.
I want my orgasm to be a raw expression of authenticity and pleasure, especially with someone who hasn’t given me one before.
I would show them and explain to them what turns me on the most, I would tell them to caress my breasts and bite my nipples.
I would like the experience to be natural, therefore, I hope that if we spoke about this, our words would flow out naturally. I would focus on using supportive and encouraging words.
If your orgasm was a song, what song would it be?
Deep in it- St Germain
I am stealing this question from Ev’yan Whitney’s The Sexually Liberated Woman podcast, which I highly recommend.
Describe your last orgasm or most pleasurable experience in one word:
Endless.
Do you have one main way you orgasm?
Yes, in sexual intercourse, I come from being on top.
I usually use a vibrator or shower head during masturbation.
Is clitoral stimulation vital to you orgasming or not necessarily?
Yes, extremely vital.
Can you come from vaginal penetration?
I don’t believe I can, or I haven’t yet experienced this.
Which of these seven types of orgasm have you experienced: nipple, anal, entrance, clitoral, g-spot, cervix, full body orgasm. Or a different kind maybe?
Clitoral.
Where you’re from:
France
Define orgasm in your own words:
Physical reaction occurring when pleasure is at its maximum in a woman’s body. It mainly comes from a physical stimulation, even though mental stimulation plays an important role..
Have you ever orgasmed?
Yes
Do you remember your first orgasm?
Probably in the shower, when I discovered the existence of the shower head when I was 16.
If so, please describe it:
I think it took a bit of time before I reached orgasm in the shower. It was nice moments - sometimes sporty and asking for a lot of flexibility. I discovered the superpower of the clitoris.
Have you ever faked an orgasm? Can you say why?
I never faked an orgasm. I don’t want to play the comedy when I am having sex with someone. Also, I would not be able to fake an orgasm. I guess the face I am doing when having is quite unique, and I would not like to embarrass myself by being spotted while faking an orgasm.
Do you come during partnered sex?
Yes.
If so, how often?
I think I come reasonably often during partner sex. Once again, clitoris stimulation is key. I would say the position that kind of always work for me is when I am riding the guy, the back a bit curved and when I am touching myself. I like to see the one I am sleeping with and that he sees me having an orgasm. I find this position quite aesthetic. Also, I just thought of that, but I think I come when the guy is on his knees and the girl on the back, in equilibrium (?) on her legs.
Is reaching orgasm during partnered sex and/or solo sex important to you?
It is important but not fundamental. I mean the main pleasure of having sex is to have pleasure and give pleasure to the partner. If I do not have an orgasm, it doesn’t matter if I had a good time.
How long do you spend during self-pleasuring sessions?
I would say between 5 and 15 minutes. If I do not reach an extreme pleasure/orgasm quickly, I become tired of it (also the hand or the fingers hurt ;) ). It generally because I am thinking of other things, or just that I am not in the mood.
Do you feel that sex can be good if orgasm hasn’t been reached?
Yes, of course. I mean women’s bodies are so different, and sometimes thoughts or situation just impeach you of having an orgasm.
What makes it easier for you to orgasm? (the situation, the time of the day, the setting, your mental state, how you’re feeling, etc.)
First, mental situation, then clitoris stimulation.
What makes it difficult for you to orgasm? (stress, pressure to orgasm, knowing you have something to do, etc.)
Sometimes, it is tiny details; things I have to do, something the guy just said, depreciative self-perception. Sometimes, it is just the body which is not reacting as I’d like it to react.
Does giving your partner pleasure, bring you close to orgasm?
I do not think bringing my partner to orgasm brings me close to orgasm. Of course, it is exciting and satisfactory to see the guy having pleasure. However, I wouldn’t be able to have an orgasm just by looking a guy having one.
What do you wish you could say to someone who wants to make you orgasm? (and I challenge you to work on saying it)
I love you (fun fact: I said it once to my sex friend, while he was licking me. I felt so embarrassed after that haha...)
If your orgasm was a song, what song would it be?
Sebastien Tellier - The Look
I am stealing this question from Ev’yan Whitney’s The Sexually Liberated Woman podcast, which I highly recommend.
Describe your last orgasm or most pleasurable experience in one word:
intimacy
Do you have one main way you orgasm?
Clitoris
Is clitoral stimulation vital to you orgasming or not necessarily?
Not necessarily, but it’s playing an important part.
Can you come from vaginal penetration?
Yes. Generally when I am on the top, or in doggy position.
If yes, does this cause you to squirt?
Never noticed, but it might have happened. What do you think?
Which of these seven types of orgasm have you experienced: nipple, anal, entrance, clitoral, g-spot, cervix, full body orgasm. Or a different kind maybe?
Anal/entrance/clitoral. I guess g-spot is reached in cow-boy positions and doggy style sex positions.
Where you’re from:
Toronto Ontario
Define orgasm in your own words:
A release of built up pleasure
Have you ever orgasmed?
An uncountable number of times
Do you remember your first orgasm?
Not my first but I remember my first 100, at some point as a kid I figured out I could orgasm and began counting each one. I stopped around 100 because I couldn’t keep up, that was when I was around the age of 5 maybe?
If so, please describe it:
My first orgasms where much shorter and staccato, as I’ve grown up I’ve learned how to slow down the anticipation and really enjoy the whole experience as opposed to just the ‘end goal’
Have you ever faked an orgasm? Can you say why?
I’ve never actually faked one in real time, but I’ve sometimes said that I had one if asked when I didn’t. I’ve usually done this if I don’t care much about the person I’m having sex with. In my mind, especially when I have sex with men (I’m bisexual) sometimes I just want to feel the sensation of the penis, but an orgasm isn’t always my goal, so it doesn’t matter. If I say no, they usually give me some awkward attempt at oral that is pleasing for no one.
Do you come during partnered sex?
If it’s with someone I’m dating then usually in the past yes, but only because they tend to care a lot about my pleasure. If it’s someone I’m not dating, almost never. Not to say it isn’t great a lot of the time, but orgasming for me takes a very specific approach that most people don’t understand unless we have a deeper level of communication. When I’ve dated people though I’ve always orgasmed.
Is reaching orgasm during partnered sex and/or solo sex important to you?
It’s very important to me in my daily life, and I’m very good at it on my own. It’s also very important to me in relationships, if I’m dating someone they BETTER know how to make me cum. Because it is important to me and always has been. It’s something I’m proud of my body for being able to do.
How long do you spend during self-pleasuring sessions?
As long as I possibly can sometimes! I’ll go for the longest time till I’m interrupted.
Do you feel that sex can be good if orgasm hasn’t been reached?
Yes, to me, sex can be about three things. Orgasm, closeness or that primal need to be fucked hard. The kind of primal need that is deep and unexplainable. Sex to me is still good if any of these things is achieved, and if all of them are achieved? Then it can be mind blowing and amazing.
What makes it easier for you to orgasm? (the situation, the time of the day, the setting, your mental state, how you’re feeling, etc.)
The person! It’s a lot easier if I’m comfortable with them because I really do know myself and I know how to make myself cum super fast, so if I’m comfortable with them and can give them direction and they are also comfortable with me enough to understand my body language, then it’s a great situation.
What makes it difficult for you to orgasm? (stress, pressure to orgasm, knowing you have something to do, etc.)
Time pressure is the worst. If I have some guy asking me if I’m close every 2 minutes and I can TELL that he isn’t committed to it and that he wants me to cum quickly, I absolutely cannot relax and therefore never achieve anything.
Does giving your partner pleasure, bring you close to orgasm?
Although I am equally attracted to both men and women and enjoy sex with both genders, going down on a girl is about the only thing that can bring me close to orgasm without physical touch. I think this is because as she gets closer to it, my body understands how she’s feeling as if it were my own and replicates that.
What do you wish you could say to someone who wants to make you orgasm? (and I challenge you to work on saying it)
Please just listen to my body! It’s obvious when I like something so pay attention. Go slowly at first and please be gentle, there’s nothing worse then teeth scratching my clit because you’re not taking your time. And stop asking me if I’ve orgasmed after penetration because I’ve made it clear that I never do, but at the same time that doesn’t mean it was bad. If I’ve emasculated you because of this, feel free to try and make me cum orally, but do not make me feel bad that I can’t.
If your orgasm was a song, what song would it be?
You Deserve This by Men I Trust
I am stealing this question from Ev’yan Whitney’s The Sexually Liberated Woman podcast, which I highly recommend.
Describe your last orgasm or most pleasurable experience in one word:
elating
Do you have one main way you orgasm?
Clit clit clit
Is clitoral stimulation vital to you orgasming or not necessarily?
Yes absolutely. I’ve had ‘climaxes’ during penetration where I get to a high point of pleasure that cannot be topped in that moment but I never actually achieve orgasm.
Can you come from vaginal penetration?
No but it can still be elating and a very high amount of pleasure I just never seem to reach that full body, uncontrollable release.
Which of these seven types of orgasm have you experienced: nipple, anal, entrance, clitoral, g-spot, cervix, full body orgasm. Or a different kind maybe?
Clitoral and ONCE what I think was a g-spot orgasm but to be honest the whole concept is still confusing to me. This coming from someone who makes herself easily cum clitorally multiple times a day. I’m not sure what a full body orgasm is either, though sometimes my clitoral orgasms can feel like that.
Where you’re from:
Santa Cruz, California
Define orgasm in your own words:
A release of pleasure after the building of it becomes so intense every muscle in your body clenches and then let's go all at once, spreading a warm buzzing throughout your body. Feels like power and intimacy and vulnerability and affection all at once.
Have you ever orgasmed?
Yes.
Do you remember your first orgasm?
I remember the first few times I felt pleasure from touching myself, but not the first time I actually orgasmed. I wasn't quite sure why it felt so good to straddle a firm pillow or put the shower head between my legs, but I remember associating it with the male celebrities I thought were cute. Once I paired the boys of One Direction with all the new sensations I was experiencing, I think orgasms started without me even acknowledging what exactly it was.
Have you ever faked an orgasm? Can you say why?
Yes, quite a few times. I'm not proud of faking orgasms and its something that I have worked very hard to re-train myself to prioritize my own pleasure. I think it stems from the idea that I had been socialized by my peers or the media as a teenager to think that if it seemed like you were having an amazing time during any sexual acts, your partner would enjoy it even more. Also, there were quite a few times where I knew that I wasn't going to orgasm during that particular round of sexual acts (for literally any reason- like I couldn't stop thinking about that essay I need to write or I had a little too much wine), but my partners would be unhappy with the fact that it wasn't going to happen. Like they needed me to orgasm so they could feel like the male feminist they prided themselves on being. But to me, looking at orgasm as the end goal of sex makes it even harder for me to come. I end up overthinking everything and putting too much pressure on myself, and once I feel pressured to orgasm, there's no way I will.
Do you come during partnered sex?
Often!
If so, how often?
It completely depends on how comfortable I am with my partner. If I am very comfortable (which usually means we are in a relationship or have had sex at least 3 times previous to this round), then I come every time. But the first time with a new partner or sometimes the first few times it is pretty unusual for me to reach an orgasm. BUT, that does not mean I don't enjoy those first few times! That stage can be amazing as you discover this new body and your partner discovers yours!
Is reaching orgasm during partnered sex and/or solo sex important to you?
It’s important, but never a requirement. Simply experiencing pleasure, being comfortable, and seeing where it goes is more important to me.
How long do you spend during self-pleasuring sessions?
Probably about 15-25 minutes on a regular session, but sometimes much much longer.
Do you feel that sex can be good if orgasm hasn’t been reached?
Yes! Sex can be a beautiful and immensely pleasurable experience even without an orgasm. By not putting pressure on yourself or a partner to reach an orgasm, you can take the time to acknowledge all the other amazing sensations and aspects of sex. If you do end up reaching an orgasm, great! If not, as long as you were enjoying it or experiencing something new, good for you!
What makes it easier for you to orgasm? (the situation, the time of the day, the setting, your mental state, how you’re feeling, etc.)
If I've recently showered, taken a bath, or swam in any pool/ocean/water. Generally, if I feel very clean or refreshed. If there is enough light to see my partner or my own body. If I can be as loud as I want without worrying about someone hearing me.
What makes it difficult for you to orgasm? (stress, pressure to orgasm, knowing you have something to do, etc.)
Any kind of pressure to orgasm or expectation often makes it difficult. Anytime when I am in my own head about how my body looks from my partner's angle or if I'm worried about what they are thinking.
Does giving your partner pleasure, bring you close to orgasm?
Yes! I think watching my partner feel pleasure and enjoy my body gets me going more than most things.
What do you wish you could say to someone who wants to make you orgasm? (and I challenge you to work on saying it)
You have to have time and patience. I don't want you to focus on how long it's taking or if you're doing the right thing, simply explore and ask about what feels good. Feel free to try things out but please acknowledge that every woman if different and every vagina is different. What worked with your last partner might not work for me, and that does not mean that you can't make me orgasm, it just means your going to have to learn how to. Oh, also, it wouldn't hurt to read a few essays from M.O.A.N - a book of essays collected by Emma Koenig.
If your orgasm was a song, what song would it be?
Heaven is a Place on Earth - Belinda Carlisle
I am stealing this question from Ev’yan Whitney’s The Sexually Liberated Woman podcast, which I highly recommend.
Describe your last orgasm or most pleasurable experience in one word:
Radiant.
Do you have one main way you orgasm?
Clitoral stimulation from being on top during sex or two fingers during a solo session are both pretty reliable, but some of my best orgasms have been totally unexpected and from very different things.
Is clitoral stimulation vital to you orgasming or not necessarily?
Thus far in my sexual experiences, it is necessary. Looking to broaden that horizon though.
Can you come from vaginal penetration?
Not by itself, no.
Where you’re from:
England
Define orgasm in your own words:
The oh shit here it cums moment, often followed by thoughts of did i really just jack off to that / hit that. But most importantly the instant satisfaction.
Have you ever orgasmed?
oh yes
Do you remember your first orgasm?
Yep
If so, please describe it:
Lol I was like 11 years old, had my 1st wank over some old fashioned porn site my school mate told me to go on - i was so proud i went downstairs and told my dad i had the ability to make him a grandad one day
Have you ever faked an orgasm? Can you say why?
Nah don't think so. Bit hard to do that as a male
Do you come during partnered sex?
Yeah most times
If so, how often?
Most times unless I'm not feeling it
Is reaching orgasm during partnered sex and/or solo sex important to you?
I always want the girl to orgasm 1st, it’s like a real kink to me. As a guy i feel the sex ends when i do so i try not to orgasm quickly. Also as a guy a wank is a wank so that's a guarantee
How long do you spend during self-pleasuring sessions?
Hahaha depends what day of the week it is/ how much sex i’ve been having/ am i bored / sometimes you crack out a long session when others are a quick one two boom
Do you feel that sex can be good if orgasm hasn’t been reached?
For me personally not to cum yeah, I've enjoyed a great few fuck sessions where i haven't cum. I once had sex for 5 hours, never came but it was still decent sex. Always want the girl to cum though
What makes it easier for you to orgasm? (the situation, the time of the day, the setting, your mental state, how you’re feeling, etc…
I definitely have a dominant kink so more often than not if it's not rough sex. I’ll be thinking rough thoughts to finish if its a bit too vanilla for me. Unless i’m fucking in public, that's definitely an easy cum. The more public it is the faster i’ll cum
What makes it difficult for you to orgasm? (stress, pressure to orgasm, knowing you have something to do, etc.)
If I'm not in the moment/ get bored / regret having sex with the person. Always finish when wanking
Does giving your partner pleasure, bring you close to orgasm?
10000000000000000% its such a turn on for me
What do you wish you could say to someone who wants to make you orgasm? (and I challenge you to work on saying it)
Hmm honestly it depends on who i’m having sex with and the type of sex. Like i said i love taking charge and having someone be completely submissive to me, letting me do whatever i want to them
If your orgasm was a song, what song would it be?
We are the champions by Queen
I am stealing this question from Ev’yan Whitney’s The Sexually Liberated Woman podcast, which I highly recommend.
Describe your last orgasm or most pleasurable experience in one word:
Release
Describe your most beautiful orgasm.
I once had really slow deep deep sex for ages, never picking up the pace and she came which made me cum too
Have you ever experienced multiple orgasm?
Yeah, sometimes i cum and I'm still hard. Not sure how but it happens
Does anal play help you orgasm?
Haha no i’m good thank you. Although if we count giving anal then yes i’ve definitely orgasmed then. That was rather naughty actually
Where you’re from:
Portland OR
Define orgasm in your own words:
An orgasm to me is reaching the peak euphoria during any sort of sexual pleasure you enjoy either with yourself or a partner
Have you ever orgasmed?
Yes, I have had an orgasm.
Do you remember your first orgasm? If so, please describe it:
My first real orgasm I was 11 years old and I was feeling very bazar for doing it, I was just by myself alone on the floor of my walk-in closet to hide myself even. I just used my hand and I had never felt anything that felt so good physically, so naturally I did it about 4 more times. My 11 year old hand was so tired after.
Have you ever faked an orgasm? Can you say why?
I have faked an orgasm, in high school one of my ex boyfriends and I were having angry get back together sex and he was fucking me so aggressively in the sort of way where I felt like I had to give him this huge reaction for such crazy sex we were having. In reality I think he was kinda hurting me more than anything and I really regret doing it because an orgasm shouldn't be painful at all and now I think he has a wrong impression on how to make a girl orgasm.
After that experience I’ve never faked an orgasm again or told a guy I had one when I didn’t. I just tell it like it is. Honestly makes me feel a bit rude sometimes to tell them I didn’t have one and then I remember I don’t care and they need to work harder to pleasure me anyway.
Do you come during partnered sex?
I can only cum from partnered sex if it's from them giving me oral.
If so, how often?
I have only had my first orgasm with a partner this year only about 2-3 times with a guy who was just a hook up and now we don’t talk so i'm back to having not having them at all. Before this encounter with this magical man I had never had one.
Is reaching orgasm during partnered sex and/or solo sex important to you?
When i'm pleasuring myself its semi important to have orgasms but it just depends if that is my goal or not. Sometimes Im just happy with thinking or imagining and it turns me on enough that I don’t need to have one. With a partner its becoming more important to me because before I wasn’t even aware I could have one with a partner and now that I know I question why every guy isn’t working this hard to give me some pleasure too.
How long do you spend during self-pleasuring sessions?
I can literally have an orgasm in like under a minute on my own if I really want to but most of them time I like to take about 5-10 min and just go slow and enjoy it.
Do you feel that sex can be good if orgasm hasn’t been reached?
Of course I think sex is great and I love it even if I don’t have an orgasm its just really a test of time to see what men will actually try to please me just because they want me to get off just as much as they do also.
What makes it easier for you to orgasm? (the situation, the time of the day, the setting, your mental state, how you’re feeling, etc…
It makes it easier if i'm really comfortable with the partner, i’m feeling really good about myself and don’t have many other distractions on my mind in that moment.
What makes it difficult for you to orgasm? (stress, pressure to orgasm, knowing you have something to do, etc.)
It makes it difficult if I feel like he’s not enjoying going down on me and is only doing it because he feels like he has to or just because I asked him.
Does giving your partner pleasure, bring you close to orgasm?
Giving my partner pleasure doesn’t make me closer to me having an orgasm but it definitely turns me on and I love it because I know he is having a good time.
What do you wish you could say to someone who wants to make you orgasm? (and I challenge you to work on saying it)
I wish I could say to be patient and don’t get frustrated if it’s taking me longer than you thought and its a pretty repetitive process but the result and sense of accomplishment after is so worth it.
If your orgasm was a song, what song would it be?
You make me feel good - the zombies
I am stealing this question from Ev’yan Whitney’s The Sexually Liberated Woman podcast, which I highly recommend.
Describe your last orgasm or most pleasurable experience in one word:
Breathtaking
Do you have one main way you orgasm?
The main way I orgasm is with clit stimulations
Is clitoral stimulation vital to you orgasming or not necessarily?
Clit stimulation is absolutely necessary
Can you come from vaginal penetration?
No I don’t cum from penetration
Which of these seven types of orgasm have you experienced: nipple, anal, entrance, clitoral, g-spot, cervix, full body orgasm. Or a different kind maybe?
I think I have only experienced clitoral orgasms
Where you’re from:
NSW, Australia
Define orgasm in your own words:
A release of built up sexual tension and pleasure, unique to everyone.
Have you ever orgasmed?
Yes.
Do you remember your first orgasm?
I can remember the first time i could tell that I had definitely orgasmed, but there were times before where I couldn’t be sure.
If so, please describe it:
I actually squirted the first time, I thought that squirting was a myth or “just pee” like I’d heard everyone else say. It happened when I bought my first vibrator. I think the mix of excitement about trying a sex toy for the first time and being in the right mood really got me there. Seconds after I started I’d already soaked the floor and ruined my fake tan.
Have you ever faked an orgasm? Can you say why?
Yes. I’m not ashamed about faking. I would never do it if I wasn’t feeling pleasure but I don’t want my partner to feel like they’re not doing ‘enough’ if I don’t cum. It’s less about deceiving for me and more about making my partner feel confident and hot. With my latest partner it makes him finish straight away so I hold off until he’s really riled up. Faking also brings me a lot of pleasure! I don’t agree with people that expect their partners to make them cum for real if they fake orgasm without ever trying to direct their partners.
Do you come during partnered sex?
No. I get very distracted and self conscious during partnered sex and can’t focus on my own pleasure.
Is reaching orgasm during partnered sex and/or solo sex important to you?
Not at all. For me, partnered sex is centred on the intimacy and not the “end result” however if i’m with a male partner I expect them to finish every time so I think I’m more focused on their pleasure than my own.
How long do you spend during self-pleasuring sessions?
It changes every time, some days I can go for an hour or more but some days I don’t feel sexy at all so I lose all arousal.
Do you feel that sex can be good if orgasm hasn’t been reached?
Yes!!! I’ve never reached orgasm with a partner but that doesn’t mean that I don’t enjoy myself.
What makes it easier for you to orgasm? (the situation, the time of the day, the setting, your mental state, how you’re feeling, etc.)
Being alone, stimulation with vibrators, I usually feel more aroused late at night, texting dirty with someone. I’ve also found it’s easier for me to come if I’m upset - sad or angry. Hotel rooms are so sexy to me, anywhere it feels like I shouldn’t be doing it is usually more exciting and leads to a quicker release.
What makes it difficult for you to orgasm? (stress, pressure to orgasm, knowing you have something to do, etc.)
Being looked at. I’m very insecure about my body so I can never really relax enough to focus on my pleasure when I’m with a partner. I’m taking steps to work on these issues though!
Does giving your partner pleasure, bring you close to orgasm?
No. But it gives me my own pleasure and makes the sex feel better regardless.
What do you wish you could say to someone who wants to make you orgasm? (and I challenge you to work on saying it)
Don’t rush me. Don’t expect anything. Listen to what I like. Don’t be intimidated by the task and know that it is 100% okay if it doesn’t happen. I hope that i can reach orgasm with a partner eventually but it will take a lot on my part to get there.
If your orgasm was a song, what song would it be?
I never cried so much in my whole life - Cub Sport (it’s a happy song I swear)
I am stealing this question from Ev’yan Whitney’s The Sexually Liberated Woman podcast, which I highly recommend.
Describe your last orgasm or most pleasurable experience in one word:
Pool-table
(Counts as one word? 😉)
Do you have one main way you orgasm?
Clitoral, with vibrator.
Is clitoral stimulation vital to you orgasming or not necessarily?
Yes. I’ve never finished without clit stim being part of the situation.
Can you come from vaginal penetration?
Yes, when combined with clitoral stim.
If yes, does this cause you to squirt?
It’s happened once! Hoping to happen again!!
Which of these seven types of orgasm have you experienced: nipple, anal, entrance, clitoral, g-spot, cervix, full body orgasm. Or a different kind maybe?
Clitoral and g-spot.
Where you’re from:
Newport Beach, CA USA
Define orgasm in your own words:
complete mind & body pleasure! Unbelievably pleasurable!
Have you ever orgasmed?
Yep
Do you remember your first orgasm?
Yes
If so, please describe it:
25 with a vibrator. Those things were never spoken of back then- I’m 52 now. I came unexpectedly & I knew instantly I had cum! Next task was orgasming w/ my boyfriend. I had faked it with him & never told him that when I finally truly orgasmed with him, it was a first.
Have you ever faked an orgasm? Can you say why?
Yes - 1. when I’ve been not quite aroused but the guy keeps trying.... 2. When I didn’t know how back in the day... 3. To turn a guy on & make him feel like a man.
Do you come during partnered sex?
Yes almost every time
If so, how often?
I come 2 to 9 times usually
Is reaching orgasm during partnered sex and/or solo sex important to you?
Yes but not a deal breaker.
How long do you spend during self-pleasuring sessions?
Not long enough
Do you feel that sex can be good if orgasm hasn’t been reached?
Yes for sure. But orgasm make it 1000% better!
What makes it easier for you to orgasm? (the situation, the time of the day, the setting, your mental state, how you’re feeling, etc.)
Lots of foreplay. Nipple play etc. I need to be relaxed & fantasize! Afternoon sex is the best!
What makes it difficult for you to orgasm? (stress, pressure to orgasm, knowing you have something to do, etc.)
stress, not enough foreplay or zero foreplay!
Does giving your partner pleasure, bring you close to orgasm?
No
What do you wish you could say to someone who wants to make you orgasm? (and I challenge you to work on saying it)
Show him where to touch
If your orgasm was a song, what song would it be?
I’m so Excited!
I am stealing this question from Ev’yan Whitney’s The Sexually Liberated Woman podcast, which I highly recommend.
Describe your last orgasm or most pleasurable experience in one word:
my last orgasm was me alone with my fingers & vibrator. It was good.... but I’m single & miss being with a partner so much. I love sex & I love being in a relationship. I hate being celibate! I have had so many good orgasms with men I cannot even decide which one was best! I miss that so much!!!!!
Do you have one main way you orgasm?
Clit
Is clitoral stimulation vital to you orgasming or not necessarily?
yes
Can you come from vaginal penetration?
no
Which of these seven types of orgasm have you experienced: nipple, anal, entrance, clitoral, g-spot, cervix, full body orgasm. Or a different kind maybe?
Almost nipple!!!!!! So close. I love all that type of sex & get very aroused. But I have to have the clitoris touched too
Where you’re from:
Irvine, California
Define orgasm in your own words:
A weightless experience where I am completely one & in touch with my sexuality and beauty.
Have you ever orgasmed?
Yes.
Do you remember your first orgasm?
Yes.
If so, please describe it:
I remember the first time I had an orgasm I used the faucet in the bathtub, when I was like thirteen. I just remember being like “wow”, I'm going to do this more often.
Have you ever faked an orgasm? Can you say why?
I don't think I have. If I have it would've only been once. I choose not to because I prefer my experience to be authentic even if it ends up not being what I set out for it to be.
Do you come during partnered sex?
I have with oral, but never penetrative sex.
If so, how often?
Not that often.
Is reaching orgasm during partnered sex and/or solo sex important to you?
It's important to me because I think it adds a kind of magical, beautiful element to it all. Having an orgasm is an amazing thing, and I think it important to experience that with my partner.
How long do you spend during self-pleasuring sessions?
Sometimes I spend ten minutes, other times I spend forty-five minutes. I think it depends on what mood I'm in and kind of what my purpose is, sometimes it's to discover something new about what I like, others I just simply want to have an orgasm.
Do you feel that sex can be good if orgasm hasn’t been reached?
I think it can, especially if I'm giving someone else pleasure, like especially with women. It's enjoyable for me to focus on them and give them that experience . I personally haven't had any penetrative sex experiences that were enjoyable quite frankly, because I wasn't attracted to the the person I was with. I definitely think it can still be really fun as long as the attraction is there.
What makes it easier for you to orgasm? (the situation, the time of the day, the setting, your mental state, how you’re feeling, etc.)
For me, I have to be relaxed or else nothing is going to happen. I love to have music on because I think it just sets a tone for the whole situation; and I prefer night time because I think it's so sensual.
What makes it difficult for you to orgasm? (stress, pressure to orgasm, knowing you have something to do, etc.)
I would definitely say pressure, when I’m with a casual partner or someone else is closer than I am, it just completely shuts me down.
Does giving your partner pleasure, bring you close to orgasm?
Yes, definitely.
What do you wish you could say to someone who wants to make you orgasm? (and I challenge you to work on saying it)
I would say, “I experience the best orgasms when my clit is moved in this direction or touched this way,” and show the person what I mean.
If your orgasm was a song, what song would it be?
Mountains- Charlotte Day Wilson
I am stealing this question from Ev’yan Whitney’s The Sexually Liberated Woman podcast, which I highly recommend.
Describe your last orgasm or most pleasurable experience in one word:
Weightless
Do you have one main way you orgasm?
Yes.
Is clitoral stimulation vital to you orgasming or not necessarily?
Yes, for me personally it is.
Can you come from vaginal penetration?
No.
Which of these seven types of orgasm have you experienced: nipple, anal, entrance, clitoral, g-spot, cervix, full body orgasm. Or a different kind maybe?
Clitoral, and Full body.
Where you’re from:
San Juan Capistrano, California
Define orgasm in your own words:
A physical, emotional, psychological peak of sexual excitement that engages all the senses.
Have you ever orgasmed?
Yes.
Do you remember your first orgasm?
Yes.
If so, please describe it:
It was in middle school (6th grade) and in the middle of my English class. Omg. So I remember getting a random erection in class and feeling embarrassed. At that age I associated “private parts” with bathrooms so I asked to go and so I did. Inside the stall, I pulled my pants down and stared at it for a bit. I remember feeling different. Tingly is the best way I can describe it. At that time, I had a Virgin Mobile pre-paid phone and I don’t know how I knew to get onto pornography but I googled “naked women” and found a pornsite with pictures only. First time I saw pornography too btw and it made me feel even more tingly which was a sign to me that I was “going the right way”? And maybe through social conditioning or natural instinct or a mix of both, I began masturbating for the first time in my life. The whole experience was so exhilarating and once I finished, I felt so good. I masturbated everyday after that for the longest time.
Have you ever faked an orgasm? Can you say why?
I have not.
Do you come during partnered sex?
I do.
If so, how often?
I’d say the majority of the time.
Is reaching orgasm during partnered sex and/or solo sex important to you?
Yes in solo sex and 50/50 in partnered sex. From my last relationship, I learned to appreciate not orgasming and instead, being present. It helped that I was madly in love. It’s amazing what other levels of pleasure you can reach when you prioritize your partners pleasure which in turn elevates your own. A beautiful pleasure cycle is created.
How long do you spend during self-pleasuring sessions?
I’ve mastered my masturbating. I can be in and out in a few minutes or take my time with it, lay in the tub and have a slow build. Depends on what I’m feeling.
Do you feel that sex can be good if orgasm hasn’t been reached?
Sex can definitely be amazing if orgasm isn’t reached. It’s nice to pleasure your partner to orgasm only or if we both just enjoy the experience without reaching an orgasm.
What makes it easier for you to orgasm? (the situation, the time of the day, the setting, your mental state, how you’re feeling, etc.)
I can orgasm fairly easily especially with a partner that I have deep attraction, love, and respect for. Fortunately, I can name what makes it difficult for me to orgasm more than what makes it easier. A few things off the top that do make it easier would be: wetness (whether from my partner or the sweatiness we both share), the sounds of sex (moans, skin rubbing on skin, sounds of penetration or oral) or watching my partners facial expressions, all great amplifiers.
What makes it difficult for you to orgasm? (stress, pressure to orgasm, knowing you have something to do, etc.)
Definitely stress and pressure. Many times it took so much for me to even get erect much less orgasm. Those situations all had a time constraint in common not to mention they felt like transactions due to the circumstances behind them.
Does giving your partner pleasure, bring you close to orgasm?
I love giving my partner pleasure and it definitely brings me closer to orgasm.
What do you wish you could say to someone who wants to make you orgasm? (and I challenge you to work on saying it)
You can definitely be creative in how you touch, lick, kiss (etc.) any part of my body.
If your orgasm was a song, what song would it be?
Rocket - Beyonce
I am stealing this question from Ev’yan Whitney’s The Sexually Liberated Woman podcast, which I highly recommend.
Describe your last orgasm or most pleasurable experience in one word:
Euphoric.
Describe your most beautiful orgasm.
I was with my beautiful partner at the time and the sex was unexpected and right next to her brothers room in the middle of the night and it felt like it lasted hours when in reality it was maybe 30-45 minutes. We were both drenched in sweat, we had done positions that we hadn’t done prior, and we were so passionate throughout it all. Most beautiful orgasm I’ve had.
Have you ever experienced multiple orgasm?
Yes and it scared me at first. Lol I didn’t know that I could come 3 minutes after coming the first time. It was an eye-opening experience to say the least.
Does anal play help you orgasm?
Never tried it but I’m actually open to it now but it would have to be with someone I love deeply.
Where you’re from:
California
Define orgasm in your own words:
losing control and feeling pure ecstasy and joy.
Have you ever orgasmed?
Yes
Do you remember your first orgasm?
At the age of 21
If so, please describe it:
My first orgasm was so overwhelming.. I felt my whole body just lift and to me, it felt like an out of body experience. My body was just vibrating at all levels and came like a wave.. my whole body was just in pure bliss and euphoria.
Have you ever faked an orgasm? Can you say why?
Yes. I have faked an orgasm when I was 20 years old and maybe a bit younger as well. I wasn’t as experienced and neither was my partner. I also wasn’t into my body and didn’t explore it as I do now.
Do you come during partnered sex?
Yes. My partner loves it when I do.
If so, how often?
Everytime I have sex.
Is reaching orgasm during partnered sex and/or solo sex important to you?
Yes, it’s a feeling of intimacy that I love to share with my partner.
How long do you spend during self-pleasuring sessions?
Sometimes 30 min to an hour.
Do you feel that sex can be good if orgasm hasn’t been reached?
This is a hard one for me. I’m 50/50 I think sex can be intimate and full of various senses that become heightened, but I also feel that an orgasm is something that both partners enjoy while pleasuring each other.
What makes it easier for you to orgasm? (the situation, the time of the day, the setting, your mental state, how you’re feeling, etc.)
Having a clear mind, and just letting your body relax and become enveloped in the emotional wave.
What makes it difficult for you to orgasm? (stress, pressure to orgasm, knowing you have something to do, etc.)
When I have too many things on my mind and I’m unable to relax.
Does giving your partner pleasure, bring you close to orgasm?
Yes, I feel that I tend to get some joy and pleasure watching my partner on the brink of orgasm.
What do you wish you could say to someone who wants to make you orgasm? (and I challenge you to work on saying it)
Fuck me until I cum baby.
If your orgasm was a song, what song would it be?
Oh my, I have a couple but I think “Powerful” - Ellie Golding Remix is one of the best ones that sums it up.
I am stealing this question from Ev’yan Whitney’s The Sexually Liberated Woman podcast, which I highly recommend.
Describe your last orgasm or most pleasurable experience in one word:
Euphoric
Do you have one main way you orgasm?
I have quite a few.
Is clitoral stimulation vital to you orgasming or not necessarily?
50/50
Can you come from vaginal penetration?
Yes
If yes, does this cause you to squirt?
No, I just become wetter
Which of these seven types of orgasm have you experienced: nipple, anal, entrance, clitoral, g-spot, cervix, full body orgasm. Or a different kind maybe?
Nipple, clitoral, g-spot, and full body!
Where you’re from:
Benicia, California
Define orgasm in your own words:
the apex moment of sexual pleasure
Have you ever orgasmed?
yes
Do you remember your first orgasm?
yes
If so, please describe it:
I had been playing with my penis for years (innocently/curiously), but not a whole lot was happening down there until I was in middle school and started getting uncontrollable erections. I was at home and had an erection so I started playing with my penis. I noticed that the area just under the tip felt really good to stroke so I sat in my closet and kept at it until this moment of spasming goodness occurred and a little clear liquid leaked from the tip.
Have you ever faked an orgasm? Can you say why?
Yes I have. In college I hooked up with this girl I liked but once we started getting into things the connection was lost and as I thrusted myself into her I couldn’t stop thinking about how something was missing. I just wanted it to be over so I made a loud sigh and pulled out. Quickly reaching for the empty condom to conceal its truth, I hid it within my hand and threw it in the trash. We cuddled and talked for the remainder of the morning.
Do you come during partnered sex?
Yes almost every time
If so, how often?
19/20
Is reaching orgasm during partnered sex and/or solo sex important to you?
yes
How long do you spend during self-pleasuring sessions?
20-30 mins. I find that the older I’ve gotten the harder it has become to masturbate. I really have to close my eyes and focus my thoughts to imagine a sexy moment.
Do you feel that sex can be good if orgasm hasn’t been reached?
Yes and no. Personally yes, but for my partner, no. I definitely derive pleasure from pleasing my partner and so their orgasm is often more important than my own.
What makes it easier for you to orgasm? (the situation, the time of the day, the setting, your mental state, how you’re feeling, etc.)
The morning is my favorite time but yes I think my mental state is very important. With the pandemic going on it has been harder to de-stress and get into the mood.
What makes it difficult for you to orgasm? (stress, pressure to orgasm, knowing you have something to do, etc.)
Stress, having to pee, thinking without confidence.
Does giving your partner pleasure, bring you close to orgasm?
Certainly.. any partner I’ve been with. If they start to moan and their body starts to shake, I can feel my orgasm getting closer and closer.
What do you wish you could say to someone who wants to make you orgasm? (and I challenge you to work on saying it)
Can I cum inside you?
If your orgasm was a song, what song would it be?
Fly me to the moon
I am stealing this question from Ev’yan Whitney’s The Sexually Liberated Woman podcast, which I highly recommend.
Describe your last orgasm or most pleasurable experience in one word:
my penis exploded with cum all over my partners back. And shortly after I realized how sore my hips were and so I just laid there stretching my legs apart while she sucked the rest of the cum off my tip.
Describe your most beautiful orgasm.
It was in college and believe it or not it was from oral sex. My partner was very masterful and I was completely into it. My hands went numb first, then my feet and my legs. She got closer and closer to my orgasm but would back off to tease me and keep it going. When I finally had my orgasm she put me deep in her throat and swallowed the whole thing. I have never experienced something so powerful since then.
Have you ever experienced multiple orgasm?
No
Does anal play help you orgasm?
haven’t tried it but maybe I should?
Where you’re from:
Austin, TX
Define orgasm in your own words:
An extremely pleasurable release of tension accompanied by a moment of pure vulnerability.
Have you ever orgasmed?
Many, many, many times.
Do you remember your first orgasm?
Yes!
If so, please describe it:
I was in high school, probably sophomore year. I had just started dating someone, and we had just lost our virginity to each other. I was showering later that evening and starting touching myself, and exploring. I finished my shower, and laid on my back on the bath mat and gave myself an orgasm. I remember envisioning butterflies at the moment of orgasm, like I was covered in them, and I envisioned that the actual orgasm was a butterfly, fleeting and beautiful.
TW: mention of sexual assault
Have you ever faked an orgasm? Can you say why?
Yes, a couple of times. Just some backstory - no one has been able to make me orgasm, and I've been with about 18 different men, and none of them have been able to get me there. I faked an orgasm with my first boyfriend, probably around the age of 16. He was trying so hard and nothing was happening, so I faked it just to end the experience. I never came clean to him. The second time, I was around the age of 17, and with someone I met on tinder. He pressured me into having sex, and looking back on this experience, it could definitely count as rape. But at one point I had gotten on top, and made a noise, to which he asked "Did you cum?" and I just said yes, because I didn't know what to do. I remember leaving his house almost immediately after, going to the restaurant I worked at and confided in my friend there, who gave me free mac and cheese. This happened on Valentines Day, right after I ended a 2-year relationship. I didn't have sex for a year after, this situation had soured the idea of sex for me.
I haven't faked an orgasm since, and now I let my partners know that I've never came during partnered sex before having sex, after consent has been obtained by both parties.
Do you come during partnered sex?
Nope.
Is reaching orgasm during partnered sex and/or solo sex important to you?
Reaching an orgasm during solo sex is always important to me, and I rarely ever masturbate without cumming. Having my partner reach orgasm during partnered sex is also important to me, having my partner moan in my ear as they're cumming is incredibly arousing and erotic.
How long do you spend during self-pleasuring sessions?
Anywhere from 1 minute to 10 minutes, it all depends on my mood, location, whether or not I've smoked weed, watched porn, and how tired I am.
Do you feel that sex can be good if orgasm hasn’t been reached?
Of course. You can still connect and be intimate and feel pleasure without cumming.
What makes it easier for you to orgasm? (the situation, the time of the day, the setting, your mental state, how you’re feeling, etc.)
Watching porn, smoking weed and feeling happier/more relaxed helps the most. I also put on a little Father John Misty, because I find his voice incredibly erotic.
What makes it difficult for you to orgasm? (stress, pressure to orgasm, knowing you have something to do, etc.)
Being distracted, tired, and generally out of touch with my body makes it harder to orgasm.
Does giving your partner pleasure, bring you close to orgasm?
It does not. It turns me on, but it doesn't get me closer to orgasm.
What do you wish you could say to someone who wants to make you orgasm? (and I challenge you to work on saying it)
Please be patient with me, as I've never been able to do this before. Talk to me, laugh with me, help me feel open and vulnerable. Don't put any pressure on me, as that will not help me cum.
If your orgasm was a song, what song would it be?
So I'm Growing Old on Magic Mountain by Father John Misty, and Nancy from Now On by Father John Misty.
Describe your last orgasm or most pleasurable experience in one word:
Out-of-body (sorry, that's technically not one word)
Do you have one main way you orgasm?
High power vibrator on clit
Is clitoral stimulation vital to you orgasming or not necessarily?
Very vital. I cannot cum without it.
Can you come from vaginal penetration?
Nope.
If yes, does this cause you to squirt?
I've squirted by using a dildo/vibrator combo, but I've never squirted from just vaginal penetration.
Which of these seven types of orgasm have you experienced: nipple, anal, entrance, clitoral, g-spot, cervix, full body orgasm. Or a different kind maybe?
I've experienced a clitoral, full body, and I think entrance. I've also been able to make myself cum just with my mind, but for that to happen I do have to be under an influence, which allows me to totally relax and turn my mind off enough to solely focus on pleasure.
Where you’re from:
Mumbai, India
Define orgasm in your own words:
pleasurable, fun, sexy, emotional and physical release
Have you ever orgasmed?
yes
Do you remember your first orgasm?
Yes, I played around with my bathroom shower-head and I didn’t know I could feel this way, it felt very wrong. Although I had sex education in school, they didn’t really teach us about orgasms. But that was the first time I experienced how sex could make me feel and it made me look forward to having sex with a partner. It was deeply personal. It’s the first time I felt like a sexual being.
If so, please describe it:
it’s hard to describe but if I try and visualize it, I guess its like fireworks with hot and cold candy ?lol
Have you ever faked an orgasm? Can you say why?
Uh yes, before I lost my virginity, I would have casual oral sex with my partners and one of them was fingering me for about 20 minutes and I felt bad for him and i wanted it to be over so I faked it. But now that i’m having real orgasms with my partners, I know that I would never fake an orgasm again because no one gains anything from it.
Do you come during partnered sex?
yes
If so, how often?
With my ex boyfriend, I would orgasm almost everytime. He made sure that I came first.
Is reaching orgasm during partnered sex and/or solo sex important to you?
No, I think its about having fun but it can be frustrating for my partner if I didn’t come
How long do you spend during self-pleasuring sessions?
20 minutes to an hour (or 2 if the porn is bad)
Do you feel that sex can be good if orgasm hasn’t been reached?
Yes, I believe that having an end goal during sex isn’t as fun. Whats important is to have fun and be present. Sometimes my ex boyfriend would make me come without him wanting to orgasm. I enjoy giving blowjobs and getting my pussy licked and fingered.
What makes it easier for you to orgasm? (the situation, the time of the day, the setting, your mental state, how you’re feeling, etc.)
When my mind is clear, i’m feeling sexy , i’ve eaten properly and when my bladder is empty
What makes it difficult for you to orgasm? (stress, pressure to orgasm, knowing you have something to do, etc.)
When i’m upset about something specific, pressure to orgasm, stress at work,
Does giving your partner pleasure, bring you close to orgasm?
I love making my partner come. It’s so sexy to watch him moan when i’m sucking his cock
What do you wish you could say to someone who wants to make you orgasm? (and I challenge you to work on saying it)
Don’t let go of my clit! I need your tongue inside me!! Fuck me with your tongue!! Fuck me hard and slow at the same time and don’t let go of my clit and my breasts
If your orgasm was a song, what song would it be?
505 artic monkeys
I am stealing this question from Ev’yan Whitney’s The Sexually Liberated Woman podcast, which I highly recommend.
Describe your last orgasm or most pleasurable experience in one word:
intercosmic
Do you have one main way you orgasm?
Yeah through clitoral and right labia stimulation if i’m being specific.
Is clitoral stimulation vital to you orgasming or not necessarily?
Super vital
Can you come from vaginal penetration?
yes
If yes, does this cause you to squirt?
Not yet
Which of these seven types of orgasm have you experienced: nipple, anal, entrance, clitoral, g-spot, cervix, full body orgasm. Or a different kind maybe?
Clitoral, Cervix, Full body orgasm
Where you’re from:
USA
Define orgasm in your own words:
an explosion of pleasure during a sexual experience
Have you ever orgasmed?
yes
Do you remember your first orgasm?
Yes
If so, please describe it:
I was probably 11 or 12 and had no frame of reference about sex or orgasm. I was on vacation with my family and was watching TV alone at night. The movie American Pie came on and it was the scene where he is eating his girlfriend out. I had no idea what was happening but I felt this amazing sensation and started masturbating. I didn’t know how to explain what had happened until a few years later.
Have you ever faked an orgasm? Can you say why?
Yes. I have probably faked hundreds of orgasms. I faked it even when I lost my virginity. I never questioned why I was faking it. I just knew that all movies I had ever seen with a sex scene depicted a girl screaming in pleasure and having an orgasm during penetrative sex. I knew that it was what I was supposed to do and it always seemed to make my partners happy. So interesting that I had been so conditioned to do it that I didn’t question my lying.
Do you come during partnered sex?
Yes
If so, how often?
I’m at a point in my life where I make sure to let my partners know that I expect them to at least TRY to make me come. So when all goes well, I come every time.
Is reaching orgasm during partnered sex and/or solo sex important to you?
Yes. After years of faking it I am really trying to reclaim my sexuality and the power of my orgasm. I need to make up for lost time ;) However, if my partner tries to make me orgasm and it doesn’t happen, it does necessary make it bad sex in my opinion.
How long do you spend during self-pleasuring sessions?
Not very long. I can make myself come so fast that it is often a very very brief session. I want to work on having more of a routine and taking time with it.
Do you feel that sex can be good if orgasm hasn’t been reached?
Yes, as long as I have the feeling that my partner wants us to be mutually pleased in some way.
What makes it easier for you to orgasm? (the situation, the time of the day, the setting, your mental state, how you’re feeling, etc.)
If I know that my partner gets pleasure or happiness from making me orgasm, it turns me on every time. I definitely need to be in a good mental state and have good self confidence.
What makes it difficult for you to orgasm? (stress, pressure to orgasm, knowing you have something to do, etc.)
When my self love is low, I’m too in my head to orgasm. I’m worrying about how my body looks and if I’m gonna come fast enough and if he’ll be annoyed if I don’t.
Does giving your partner pleasure, bring you close to orgasm?
It doesn’t bring me close to orgasm but it does bring me to a state of bliss where I am so happy to be giving pleasure. It definitely turns me on.
What do you wish you could say to someone who wants to make you orgasm? (and I challenge you to work on saying it)
I am getting better at this. I have a list of things that I tell them I like and usually they always are very excited to have the guidance. For example the speed, or that I like being tied up when I come, etc.
If your orgasm was a song, what song would it be?
Nature Feels - Frank Ocean
I am stealing this question from Ev’yan Whitney’s The Sexually Liberated Woman podcast, which I highly recommend.
Describe your last orgasm or most pleasurable experience in one word:
Release
Do you have one main way you orgasm?
By getting eaten out
Is clitoral stimulation vital to you orgasming or not necessarily?
My whole sexual career the answer has been yes until a few days ago. A partner was fingering me in a certain way and I felt like I was about to squirt (or what I imagine that would feel like), but I had a mental block. It felt like if I could unblock it I would have unlocked a whole new kind of orgasm.
Can you come from vaginal penetration?
No
Which of these seven types of orgasm have you experienced: nipple, anal, entrance, clitoral, g-spot, cervix, full body orgasm. Or a different kind maybe?
Clitoral
Where you’re from:
London
Define orgasm in your own words:
It’s a releasing of the deepest pleasures, a physical and emotional letting go of every inhibition my body and mind might be holding. It’s healing in a lot of ways, it leaves me breathless and speechless and feeling like I’m on top of the world. It’s also the deepest and at the same time most primitive union I can imagine with someone, especially if orgasm happens at the same time; holding onto one another and being the rawest versions of ourselves; It’s pure bliss.
Have you ever orgasmed?
Yes.
Do you remember your first orgasm?
I don’t remember it specifically but I remember my first few ones, they happened in similar settings.
If so, please describe it:
I was quite young when I started masturbating, around 11 or 12. I was browsing on Twitter and I don’t even know how, but I happened to find these nude pictures a sex worker had posted. My room had a little hidden corner and I would sit there in the afternoon, hidden from everyone, discovering my body minute by minute. I don’t think I knew what I was doing or where I was even going, but I followed my instinct and it brought me to orgasm.
Have you ever faked an orgasm? Can you say why?
I haven’t. In the past I might not have come every time during partnered sex but I would be quite clear about it if I hadn’t. I understand why women would do it, but personally I’ve always been comfortable enough to tell them if I haven’t reached orgasm.
Do you come during partnered sex?
Yes!
If so, how often?
Every time. I have always been quite vocal with my partners about it, and I want to make sure we are both satisfied. During my first few sexual experiences, there were a few times in which I didn’t but that was a very long time ago, in heterosexual relationships.
Is reaching orgasm during partnered sex and/or solo sex important to you?
It’s very important. Orgasm for me is the culmination of sex into the deepest pleasure, and I also want to be able to also bring my partner there. The feeling right before and right after you’ve had an orgasm is probably my favourite, I feel like I’m floating, my vision is slightly dizzy and my body is tired in the best way possible. Besides that, it puts me in a great mood and fills me with love for myself and my girlfriend. It’s wonderful.
How long do you spend during self-pleasuring sessions?
I wish I’d spent more. Most of the time when I’m masturbating I want to get it over and done with because it’s a need I feel then and now – but I really do want to try and carry it on for a little bit more, to feel much deeper pleasures.
Do you feel that sex can be good if orgasm hasn’t been reached?
Yes absolutely! Sex is about so much more than just orgasm, but it’s always nice when it is reached in the end. It’s the extra cherry on top that really completes the whole encounter and makes everything a little more magic. If orgasm did not come, the whole experience of touching each other and the sex itself would still be amazing
What makes it easier for you to orgasm? (the situation, the time of the day, the setting, your mental state, how you’re feeling, etc.)
It’s a combination of things. I like to be in a comfortable setting, both in terms of surrounding and the situation with my girlfriend. I like for the light to be a little bit dim, for a lot of stimulation to happen and for us to spend a lot of time just touching each other’s bodies. I like having orgasms in the morning because everything feels very soft, and I can start the day already feeling light, happy and liberated.
What makes it difficult for you to orgasm? (stress, pressure to orgasm, knowing you have something to do, etc.)
The pressure to orgasm always makes it difficult for me. If I get into my own head about why I’m not having an orgasm, then it’s going to take me a while to actually reach one. It doesn’t happen very often but, when it does, I try to tell myself to feel rather than think. That’s what orgasms are about ultimately, you don’t have to think, it’s just super intense feeling. Also, sometimes having music on can distract me a little bit, I like to only hear us and our bodies.
Does giving your partner pleasure, bring you close to orgasm?
Absolutely, always. I find it hard to orgasm if my partner isn’t also feeling pleasure at the same time. I love reaching orgasm at the same time as my girlfriend does, it’s a beautiful moment for both of us and sharing it makes it so much more intense. What I’ve noticed about sleeping with a woman is that, when scissoring, my pleasure completely depends on hers and how wet she is; it’s never just about one of us getting off on the other one, but each of us bringing the other one to mind-blowing orgasms.
What do you wish you could say to someone who wants to make you orgasm? (and I challenge you to work on saying it)
Listen to my body. Feel the way my body is tightening and releasing, listen to the way I’m moaning, breathing, or to what I’m saying. Give love to my whole body; my neck, my lips, my legs, my breasts, not just my pussy. Don’t try to rush into it because that will just be a turn-off; be slow and paced, make sure I’m very wet, dedicate your attention to understanding my pleasure and try to put yourself in my shoes. As you’re pleasuring me it’s like you’re also pleasuring yourself; try doing what you would want me to do on yourself and see how that works out; imagine my pleasure as yours, hold it that highly, tell me I’m turning you on.
If your orgasm was a song, what song would it be?
Big Love by Fleetwood Mac. It starts in a mysterious, romantic and dance-y mood, and gradually gets sexier and sexier, until the vocalists are moaning with a soundtrack of electric guitar at the back. It’s beautiful, a little awkward to listen to during sex but has a wild side to it and it’s just very fun.
Describe your last orgasm or most pleasurable experience in one word:
Vulnerability.
It was mine and my girlfriend’s anniversary, the last time we were going to see each other before lockdown and it was a really raw, real experience of vulnerability. We were both on the verge of tears after; it was incredibly deep and somehow brought us so much closer to one another.
Do you have one main way you orgasm?
Mainly through clitoral stimulation. Positions wise, in terms of a lesbian relationship it’s mostly through scissoring, mutual fingering or 69 (don’t know a nicer and less middle school boy term for that ahahah), when both me and my girlfriend are experiencing pleasure at the same time.
Is clitoral stimulation vital to you orgasming or not necessarily?
I have only been having orgasms through clitoral stimulation in the past two years; I have reached orgasm in the past only through vaginal stimulation, but clitoral stimulation is the main stimulation I have needed recently.
Can you come from vaginal penetration?
I have in the past, but have not for a long time. Vaginal penetration is not something me and my girlfriend have in our sex life, mainly because clitoral stimulation works for both of us; the last few times I tried having vaginal penetration it felt uncomfortable, even if I was very aroused.
If yes, does this cause you to squirt?
It has in the past, yes! I have also squirted from clitoral stimulation sometimes when self-pleasuring.
Which of these seven types of orgasm have you experienced: nipple, anal, entrance, clitoral, g-spot, cervix, full body orgasm. Or a different kind maybe?
I have experienced entrance, clitoral, g-spot and full body orgasms!
Where you’re from:
From LA but living in Portland, OR currently
Have you ever orgasmed?
I think so. I’ve heard about ‘mind-blowing orgasms” but I’ve experienced more of a short, intense, feeling. I get waves of shivers that put pressure on me and race down my body. So I would say yes.
Do you remember your first orgasm? If so, please describe it:
I think I would consider my first time using a vibrator. My roommates were all out out of the apartment that night. I had finally bought a vibrator that day from the sex shop down the street that I would pass everyday on my home. I lit candles, played music, and focused on my pleasure. It was a no pressure moment. I squirted and I’m pretty sure I came multiple times.
Have you ever faked an orgasm? Can you say why?
This is when I started having my first more sexual experiences. The woman I was dating at the time and I would have sex. It was my first time doing things like this. I would make noises and move my body in the way that I thought I was supposed to. I only knew of sex from what I head from my friends, who were all talking about heterosexual relationships, and I knew about sex from movies I watched that portrayed straight sex. In that sense I was faking my pleasure because I didn’t do what felt right and pleasurable to ME, but what I thought I was supposed to do. Later, with another woman I was seeing I remember asking her if she came. She said almost, looking hesitant. I told her she didn’t have to lie to me or anyone. I told her I didn’t want her to fake it with me. After that, I promised myself I wouldn’t fake orgasm, or lie about it.
Do you come during partnered sex?
I have never. But I also have only had a few sexual partners. This was supposed to be my year of sexual experimentation and exploration but then quarantine happened. But this also is giving me time and space to work on my own pleasure, self love and self care.
Is reaching orgasm during partnered sex and/or solo sex important to you?
I put a lot of pressure on myself to reach an orgasm. Ever since I started wanting to orgasm I get really frustrated when I don’t and I think because I am a sex-positive person, very interested in sex and sex-education. I feel intimidated that I don’t Orgasm “enough.” My friends and I have talked about this and I hear some of my friends say they come in 5 minutes when they masturbate, or have sex. For all my sex-positivity and knowledge, I should be able to orgasm that fast as well, right??
If I don’t, I feel like it was a waste of my time. I go into masturbation with the “goal” of orgasm, and not over all pleasure. And that influences me and put too much pressure on the experience. I am actively trying to refocus my goals to only compare myself to myself on in terms of sexual feelings and experiences(and everything else as well)
How long do you spend during self-pleasuring sessions?
Anywhere from 30 min to hours.
Do you feel that sex can be good if orgasm hasn’t been reached?
Definitely! During sex I don’t feel the pressure to experience an orgasm because I am focused on my pleasure and my partners pleasure. I have had really good sex and not orgasmed. Sex can be fun and very enjoyable, even if I don’t have an orgasm I enjoy it.
What makes it easier for you to orgasm? (the situation, the time of the day, the setting, your mental state, how you’re feeling, etc.)
I like delayed gratification. I like to build up my anticipation of the moment. I like longing eyes, hidden touches, and waiting for the build.
Does giving your partner pleasure, bring you close to orgasm?
Yes for sure! I like to know that I am giving the other person pleasure- especially because I am usually the one who leads and takes control.
What do you wish you could say to someone who wants to make you orgasm? (and I challenge you to work on saying it)
I am proud to say that I have been an advocate for my own pleasure. I want my parter to orgasm/feel pleasure so I ask them “does the feel good”, “is this okay”, “do you like this” and “what do you want/like”. I say what I like and what I want more of.
Describe your last orgasm or most pleasurable experience in one word:
Shivers
Do you have one main way you orgasm?
Clitoral. I use vibrators.
Is clitoral stimulation vital to you orgasming or not necessarily?
Probably
Where you’re from:
Melbourne.
Define orgasm in your own words:
An explosion of pleasure and an intensely satisfying release.
(Combines the sorts of feelings I get where I scratch a persistent itch, or have goose bumps from fingernails running down my back, or submerge my cold body in a hot bath, or down a really thirst-quenching milkshake, or eat salted dark chocolate, or sneeze… but all these sensations are amplified with nuclear force to create this electric buzz through different parts of my body, and that lasts for about ten seconds or so.)
Have you ever orgasmed?
Yes.
Do you remember your first orgasm?
Yes.
If so, please describe it:
The very first time occurred spontaneously during a wet dream when I was about 11. I had no idea what had happened when I woke up in the morning and found this wet patch around the front of my boxers. I’d been dreaming of having vaginal sex (however I thought that worked) with an unidentified girl who seemed slightly older than me.
The first orgasm I consciously brought myself to occurred when I was about 13. I masturbated for the first time, standing up in the shower, and I felt so guilty and dirty about doing that pumping action with my hand (which I’d only just learnt) that I told myself I was only allowed to do it for ten strokes and make it as fast as possible so it would be over quickly. That was enough to make me come and I remember those first orgasms – the ones I was really guilty about having and only allowed myself to have when I became really pent-up – were like popping a balloon and relieving all this pressure inside me. At that age, the seminal fluid was really watery and I remember a lot of precum leaking out beforehand. They were really intense orgasms, but laden with guilt, which I think probably somehow added to the pleasure?
Have you ever faked an orgasm? Can you say why?
Once when I was about 21, after I had come too early without giving any obvious signs that I’d orgasmed, so I faked one a couple of minutes later – probably to avoid embarrassment.
Do you come during partnered sex?
Yes.
If so, how often?
Every time.
Is reaching orgasm during partnered sex and/or solo sex important to you?
Yes.
How long do you spend during self-pleasuring sessions?
Between 15 and 30 minutes.
Do you feel that sex can be good if orgasm hasn’t been reached?
Yes, but intensely unsatisfying, because the better the sex feels, the more I want to reach orgasm.
What makes it easier for you to orgasm? (the situation, the time of the day, the setting, your mental state, how you’re feeling, etc.)
My mental state, but definitely her mental state / how she’s feeling / how turned on she is.
What makes it difficult for you to orgasm? (stress, pressure to orgasm, knowing you have something to do, etc.) If we start arguing during sex – that’s a big one...! Happily, this has happened only rarely. Pressure to orgasm, but usually after I have already reached orgasm once.
Does giving your partner pleasure, bring you close to orgasm?
Without a doubt.
What do you wish you could say to someone who wants to make you orgasm? (and I challenge you to work on saying it)
Hold my balls / lightly scratch them.
If your orgasm was a song, what song would it be? The Arrival of the Queen of Sheba by George Frideric Handel (the orchestral version, not the organ one).
I am stealing this question from Ev’yan Whitney’s The Sexually Liberated Woman podcast, which I highly recommend.
Describe your last orgasm or most pleasurable experience in one word:
Deep.
Describe your most beautiful orgasm.
The most beautiful orgasm I’ve had was during sex with my ex-girlfriend, who was with me for over four years until quite recently. We were very close and had always discussed being partnered for the long-term, so that gave us a huge amount of intimacy during sex.
It was a relatively long session for us; we’d been going for between 45 minutes to an hour doing different things in different positions, so we were hot and sweaty and in that slightly frenzied state that only extended coitus can achieve...! But we eventually got into this position where we were both sitting upright on the bed and wrapped up in each other’s arms and legs. She was sitting sort of on top / in front of me with me inside her, sans protection. It was this incredible feeling where she was grinding on me and I could guide her to the right angle with my hands on her hips while she wrapped her arms around the back of my neck. The intimacy of the position was beautiful.
I could feel from her movements and hear from her moans that she was nearing orgasm. At that point we locked lips and kept a good rhythm, and I remember how that feeling of kissing her with her nipples brushing against my chest, knowing that she was approaching climax, sent me over the edge. She pulled away from the kiss to let out a deep cry/moan shuddering sound as we held intense eye contact. I ejaculated deep inside her for a simultaneous orgasm. At that angle, with her weight on top of me, there was no in-and-out shaft action which a guy might get in doggy or some other position. I was just planted as far inside her as possible and we could both feel each other engorge and contract as I emptied my seed into her. It was the closest I have felt to feeling blended – physically and spiritually – with another person. I remember it took me longer to recover from an orgasm of that force. For a while afterwards I felt this warm jellylike feeling as we lay panting next to each other on the bed, airing and cooling down our naked bodies.
Have you ever experienced multiple orgasm?
Yes, I can orgasm twice from partnered sex, or three or four times from solo sex.
Does anal play help you orgasm?
Yes, especially prostate stimulation. Also keen to experience rimming
Where you’re from:
Miami, FL
Define orgasm in your own words:
An orgasm is like going skydiving. You board the plane and fly into the sky. The plane is circling to find the right location and the entire time your anticipation is building. You almost want to turn back around because you’re so nervous. But you’re probably there with a partner or friend who’s encouraging you and telling you that you can do it. Then you’re sitting on the edge of the plane while the door opens. The person behind you counts “3,2,1! Jump!,” and then you do. You’re face down smiling, looking at the ground screaming your head off. When you reach the ground, you’re glad you did it :)
Have you ever orgasmed?
Yes
Do you remember your first orgasm?
Yes. I was around age 11 or 12 when it first happened. Before I ever had my first orgasm, I remember rubbing myself on things like my pillow or the corner of a chair. I never went any further because it felt weird. But not in a bad way, the feeling was just foreign. The first time I remember even having the thought of wanting to keep humping things was in 4th grade. I had my left leg curled on the seat of the chair and my right leg dangling on the floor. My vagina was on the edge of the seat and I remember moving side to side aimlessly when I first felt that feeling of sensation. The memory is so vivid, I’m surprised I still remember it!
If so, please describe it:
I sat on my toilet in the bathroom after having a go at shaving a patch of hair on my 11 or 12 year old legs, thinking about masturbating for the first time. The night before, I watched a video of two girls just kissing and groping each other. I remember clenching my thighs to relieve the urge, but it didn’t work. It was the same night I discovered what porn was. The next day I was home alone and I wanted to do what they had done in the video. I was too embarrassed to put anything inside of me. Instead I just rubbed my clit while I sat on my toilet seat. I remember feeling awkward and gross while doing it. But, the better it felt, the more I continued. Eventually I became less embarrassed and more excited and worked up. I probably did it at least 3-5 more times before the day ended!
Have you ever faked an orgasm? Can you say why?
Can’t say :( I haven’t had sex with anyone before!
Is reaching orgasm during partnered sex and/or solo sex important to you?
When masturbating before, I always thought it was necessary. My scope of anything sexual was jaded and misunderstood since my knowledge came from hearing about it from others who complained that their partner did not make them orgasm, or from porn where the actors seem to ALWAYS orgasm. Hearing from both entities, I understood that if you didn’t orgasm, it wasn’t successful. But sometimes I wasn’t really in the mood to, nor had the desire to orgasm. Sometimes it felt good just to touch myself. However, I just kept thinking “it’s a waste to even masturbate if you’re not going to orgasm.” So then I only ever touched myself with that ‘goal’ in mind. Now, I rub myself just when I want to. Sometimes it ends with an orgasm, but sometimes it doesn’t. To be truthful, the times when it doesn’t I almost feel better after. Nearly superhuman! Mainly because it makes me feel sensual and sexy. I can’t really explain it any other way. I just feel like an ethereal goddess when I actually caress my skin and my vagina, rather just rubbing my clitoris until I orgasm then calling it a day...!
How long do you spend during self-pleasuring sessions?
30-40 minutes
Do you feel that sex can be good if orgasm hasn’t been reached?
Having never had sex before, I don’t really know how to answer that. I don’t know if the experience would be different with a partner rather than by myself. Because I enjoy masturbating with or without orgasming now, I’d say it definitely can be enjoyable without orgasm being reached. It would be interesting to revisit this question once I do have sex with a partner.
What makes it easier for you to orgasm? (the situation, the time of the day, the setting, your mental state, how you’re feeling, etc.)
The time of day! It’s 100% easier and more enjoyable to do it at night. When it’s light outside, I feel exposed. I can see everything in my room, I can see the light peeking through the blinds, and I can see my ceiling fan circle above me. But at night, when everything is pitch black, it’s just me and my thoughts or whatever it is that I listen to (big fan of audio porn rather than visual porn). It’s much easier for me to stay aroused when my eyes are open at night and I don’t see what’s around me. When it’s darker, my thoughts are more vivid and I feel more confident being explorative with my body (that may have more to do with being more accepting of my body but that’s a conversation for a later date). The air is cooler too, so when I’m under my blankets, the sensations are heightened.
What makes it difficult for you to orgasm? (stress, pressure to orgasm, knowing you have something to do, etc.)
Definitely stress and depression. I know people say orgasming is a huge stress reliever, but sometimes I’m so busy being stressed that I can’t bother relieving my stress through orgasming. It’s actually the furthest thing from my mind. In the times that I have masturbated to help with that, I find myself even more stressed after because I feel like it was a waste of time because it wasn’t even enjoyable, stressing me further about the 30-40 minutes I just wasted. Also, being depressed can make me not want to orgasm. I don’t really want to go into how dark my mind gets when I have moments when it’s bad, but I’ll just say I’m content with not even looking at myself. In the past, I have watched some really dark porn, so I try to avoid even thinking about orgasming or masturbating during that time because I don’t want to consume content that does not make me feel good (emotionally, mentally, etc.)
If your orgasm was a song, what song would it be?
So Badly by JMSN
Describe your last orgasm or most pleasurable experience in one word:
Sedating (but in the best way possible)
Do you have one main way you orgasm?
Yes, only through clitoral stimulation.
Is clitoral stimulation vital to you orgasming or not necessarily?
Yes. Only because I’ve tried multiple times to orgasm through vaginal stimulation and it didn’t work (and felt mildly uncomfortable).
Can you come from vaginal penetration?
In my personal experience with my fingers or toys, I have not been able to.
If yes, does this cause you to squirt?
One day I would really love to.
Which of these seven types of orgasm have you experienced: nipple, anal, entrance, clitoral, g-spot, cervix, full body orgasm. Or a different kind maybe?
Clitoral.
Hey everyone! Thanks for reading. Thanks for participating. I hope you learned something, maybe laughed, maybe cried. But overall, I hope you came to understand that orgasming is different for everyone. There is no one definition. So be kind with your orgasms, in whatever form they come in :)
